what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
