I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
