I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
