Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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