Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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