I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
