My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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