If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
