remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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