Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
