Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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