There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
