On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize