if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
