I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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