I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
