She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
