Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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