Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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