SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The air was thick with penises
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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