he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize