I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
