your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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