I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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