i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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