just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
