Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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