Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
