Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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