First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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