I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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