Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
