dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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