There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
