I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
