I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
