I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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