I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
