i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
