Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
