dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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