:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
