Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
