If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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