He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
