The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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