smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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