I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
