anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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