Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
