You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
