hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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