wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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