It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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