Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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