i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
