Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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