Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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