Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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