I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
