I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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