Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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