have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's always time for handjobs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
