I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
