so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize