i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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