it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
