Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
