Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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