When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
