You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
