i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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