I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
